She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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