Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
MIDGETS
????
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize