I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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