Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
