I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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