Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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