Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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