Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need to calm my uterus...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
