I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize