He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
