i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
