If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
