Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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