based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
