It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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