Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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