i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
