We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
