her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
