This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
