My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
