He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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