No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize