garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The uberlube is also flammable
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
