I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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