i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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