this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
