whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
