I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
