Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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