he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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