it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
