I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
