When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
