First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
