It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
