Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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