The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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