in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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