Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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