I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
