oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
