I puked a lego.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
