i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
