were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
