he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
