Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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