if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
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It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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