tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
