Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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