I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
