please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
