I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
