margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
