Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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