I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
