Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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