Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
