just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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